As a Ramsey Certified Financial Coach, I have the privilege of helping everyday people navigate their financial journeys. This role is deeply personal to me because I’ve lived through the struggles that come with money-related challenges. Before becoming a retirement and financial coach, my career as a real estate broker taught me how to ask tough financial questions. However, the most important lessons about money didn’t come from my clients—they came from my own marriage.
My wife, Michelle, and I have had countless discussions about finances over the years. Some were painful, some escalated into arguments, and others felt like insurmountable hurdles in our otherwise happy marriage. Yet, every single one of those conversations was part of a healing process. Each discussion brought us closer together, taught us valuable lessons, and ultimately strengthened our marriage.
Let’s explore how financial honesty, learning, and teamwork transformed our relationship and how it could do the same for yours.
The Reality of Financial Struggles in Marriage
Money conversations in marriage are often stressful. There’s usually one partner who’s more comfortable with debt, and in our case, that person was me. I thought I had it all under control. Living paycheck to paycheck didn’t bother me—I was confident our income could handle the debt. Looking back, I see how crazy that mindset was.
At the time, I dismissed Michelle’s unease. My job, I thought, was to console her and assure her that everything was fine. But in reality, I was ignoring her anxiety. My love for being “showy” with things like cars or lifestyle choices only added to her discomfort.
Marriage vows prepare us for sickness and health, good times and bad. But they don’t warn you about impulsive decisions, stubbornness, or the everyday exhaustion of juggling responsibilities. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve likely lived through these moments. Financial stress, in particular, can create unseen insecurity, affecting both partners and the relationship itself.
The Turning Point: Learning and Adapting
But I’ll never forget the moment I realized we needed a change. We were having lunch on Mackinac Island with friends. As everyone ordered their meals, my thoughts began to spiral: Do we have enough room on the credit card for this? Did I pay the bill this month? What if I can’t cover this?
That was the day I had had enough. My reckless habits and false sense of security had brought us to this point. I realized that Michelle and I worked too hard to be living like this. I was ready to take responsibility and make a change.
The very next week, I stumbled upon The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey while grocery shopping. I threw it in the cart, thinking, “It can’t hurt.” What I didn’t anticipate was how much it would hurt my pride. Facing my own financial mismanagement was humbling, but it was also the wake-up call I needed.
I devoured the book and immediately shifted into urgency mode. I knew that achieving meaningful dreams as a couple wouldn’t be possible without changing how we handled money. More importantly, I realized how dismissing Michelle’s feelings had caused damage to our marriage.
What I Finally Realized
While I was busy juggling bills and paycheck-to-paycheck living, I had been blind to Michelle’s growing stress and anxiety. She felt insecure, and instead of addressing those feelings, I brushed them off. What she needed wasn’t words of reassurance alone, but concrete action that demonstrated my commitment to her peace of mind.
True partnership in marriage requires showing up for your spouse in every sense of the word, especially during difficult times. It means being willing to adapt and grow, not simply for your own benefit but to nurture the trust and bond you share.
“In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.”
As a financial coach, I’ve had the privilege of helping other couples work through their financial struggles. Recently, a couple thanked me for guiding them through a tough conversation. When my wife asked what I gained from these discussions, I realized the answer: I get to witness transformation. I get to see people stepping into the life they were meant to live together.
There Is Hope
Life is full of lessons, some funny in hindsight and others painfully humbling in the moment. Looking back, I can laugh at my own mistakes—missteps that could’ve derailed our future if left unchecked. But I’m grateful for the journey because it brought us to a place of peace and understanding.
I share my story because I know I’m not alone. Many couples live under the weight of financial stress, unaware of the toll it’s taking on their relationships and their future. But there’s hope.
By having honest conversations, seeking guidance, and making intentional choices, you can transform your financial outlook and deepen the trust and connection in your marriage.
I am deeply thankful for the love of my wife, the grace of God, and the opportunities I have to help others find clarity in their own financial journeys. My hope for you is that this story inspires reflection—on how you and your family handle money, how you communicate about it, and whether your current approach truly aligns with your dreams and goals.
You have the power to take control of your financial story and shape a brighter future for you and your loved ones. May you find hope, strength, and joy as you take that first step toward financial peace—together.
