When life throws us unexpected challenges, one of the hardest things to do can be asking for help. Yet, there’s an undeniable beauty in this act of vulnerability—it creates connections, fosters growth, and reminds us of our place in something much larger than ourselves. In retirement and beyond, embracing interdependence can be one of the greatest strengths we develop. Let’s explore how stepping out of your comfort zone to ask for help can redefine your life, legacy, relationships, and even retirement.
The Importance of Choosing Your Support System
As much as we don’t want it to happen, at some point in our lives, the need to lean on others becomes inevitable. Let’s talk about my dear friend D, who has had a difficult year in 2024. She is 82 years old. And last year, she went through a lot of challenges, including the loss of her husband and a broken leg requiring multiple surgeries.
D and I have a very special relationship – she introduced me and my wife and she is also the godmother to our daughters. And so with all of these happening to her, I was worried if there was anyone she could still turn to, especially at her age. D’s situation prompted me to ask: If you had to come up with five go-to people in your life, how would you choose them?
And by that, I mean people beyond just friends or family—those who are genuinely ready, willing, and able to step up without hesitation. It’s a big ask, but identifying these individuals is a meaningful step in preparing for life’s uncertainties.
When choosing your support system, think about two key qualities:
- Task-oriented people who can handle responsibilities effectively.
- Relationship-oriented people who provide emotional care and support.
Your personality and communication style will often influence who you turn to and how you frame your requests for help. Whether you need someone to ‘get the job done’ or ‘take care of you,’ the ask is the same, though the way it’s expressed and understood may differ. But ultimately, what matters most is understanding how the person you ask will receive and respond to your message.
Why You Feel Vulnerable When Asking for Help
Saying the words “Will you help me?” can feel uncomfortable, even daunting. It’s a question that leaves us open and exposed, as most of us want to be self-supportive. That’s why asking for help is like requiring us to step out of our comfort zones. For some, this vulnerability feels like losing control. But for others, it’s an opportunity for growth.
I’ve learned that stepping outside of my comfort zone is often easier when I’m the one choosing to do so. In my 20s, I made the decision to jump out of an airplane at 10,000 feet. It was one of the most exhilarating and life-changing experiences of my life. I wasn’t in charge during the jump, but I made the choice to surrender control. That was a stretch for me, and yet it taught me the power of embracing discomfort.
Asking for help can be similar. It’s not always a decision we want to make, but it’s often one we need to make. For those of us who value independence, it can be a stretch to admit we need assistance. Yet, this act of surrender connects us to something far bigger than ourselves.
Life Is Bigger Than You
There’s a profound truth in realizing that our lives extend far beyond our individual selves. This understanding often becomes clear when we face significant challenges. For me, this realization came during my wife Michelle’s first battle with cancer. She’s a three-time cancer survivor, and during that initial fight, we were overwhelmed by the support of friends, family, and even strangers.
Our daughter’s elementary school classmates made “get well soon” cards. Their families brought meals to our home for weeks during Michelle’s treatments. People we barely knew would stop me in the grocery store to offer prayers and encouragement. We had always been the ones giving help, and now we were on the receiving end. It was humbling and transformative.
This experience showed me that life is interconnected. Our struggles, while deeply personal, have a way of touching others and drawing them into a shared purpose. When we ask for help, we’re not merely fulfilling our own needs, we are providing purpose to that person. Our current situation is filling a need for someone else, and that gives them the opportunity to step into their own capacity for generosity and care.
Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone for a Bigger Purpose
Often when we hear the phrase, “get out of your comfort zone,” our first instinct or response is to think that it’s easier said than done. But the truth is, life has a way of nudging us into discomfort whether we like it or not. When we intentionally step out of our comfort zones—by asking for help or embracing challenges—we prepare ourselves for moments when we’ll have no other choice.
Letting go of control is a significant part of this process. But letting go in that sense is not about giving up, but rather creating space to allow others to step into your life, to contribute in ways that might be different from how you would do things on your own. By relinquishing some control, you open the door for others to offer their strengths, perspectives, and support.
Asking five people to be part of your trusted circle can feel like a big leap, but it’s a decision that honors both you and them. And in taking this step, you may discover that asking for help brings an unexpected richness to your life and to theirs.
The Unexpected Gift of Asking for Help
What if asking for help wasn’t just about you? What if it created meaning and purpose for the people you’re reaching out to?
There are people in this world waiting to be asked the question, “Will you help me?” By extending that invitation, you allow someone else to fulfill their innate desire to contribute to something meaningful. It’s a reminder that we’re all built to support each other and be part of something larger than ourselves.
When you allow others to step up for you, you create a ripple effect of kindness, connection, and purpose. This act of vulnerability can transform relationships and create bonds that last a lifetime.
Your Legacy Lives in Relationships
As we age, we begin to think more about the legacy we’ll leave behind. While physical possessions may hold value, the true inheritance we pass on is found in the hearts and minds of those we’ve impacted. My life is bigger than me, and so is yours.
At some point, we’ll all have to ask the question, “Will you help me?” Whether it’s during retirement planning, a health crisis, or the natural transitions of life, our ability to lean on others becomes an essential part of living fully.
After all, the legacy you leave behind goes beyond the ‘stuff’ you pass down — but more on the relationships you’ve built and the ways you’ve inspired others to live with purpose.
Embracing the Beauty of Interdependence Starts Here
Asking for help can feel like an act of surrender, but it’s also an act of courage and connection. By stepping out of your comfort zone, you open yourself to the unexpected beauty of interdependence—a strength that’s invaluable in retirement and beyond. That’s because recognizing the people who can support you—whether emotionally, financially, or practically—can make all the difference in ensuring that you live the next phase of life with confidence and peace of mind.
So, take a moment to reflect: Who are your five go-to people? And how can you honor them by asking for their support?
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